tongue all tied

mirror mirror on the wall, who's the greatest of them all?

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 11:22:43 GMT

5 weeks left, so excited.
i love how things are so easy right now.
and how i just really don't care about much apart from the people who count and college.
things are just good and i laaaavvvv it!
so much stuff lined up, including mongoloids and trash talk! which our promos things putting on so i hope that goes well. and lannnddaaaan and belgium if i decide to go, but due to people just annoying me over it i think i might just go to leeds instead? i dont know. just dont wanna have to even put up with some people, im in to have funnnnnnnn!
i'm so bored and i'm out of things to note down at the moment. just that for once i'm not seriously like very very annoyed at someone/something.
can't wait for summer
oh and yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeauuuuuh <333 :D

haha

You should have asked me for it. How could I say no?

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:02:11 GMT

one thing i hate is this place.
so glad that its the holidays finally and that i dont have to put up with absolute wankers.
selfish arrogant wankers. ahhhh.
cant wait for this weekend, gunna be sooooooo good. or partying with my best friends in and out of hull. awwoooooohh!
roll on june and leaving these dicks behind.

alls fair in love and war

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 13:03:17 GMT

i maybe should start feeling happy for what i've got. i have, what most people would consider, everything i could possibly need. but what i have just isn't what i want. maybe i should keep on feeling bad for the fact everything i have isn't enough, or maybe i should just get used to the reality that i'll never be able to get back what i had.
i can't snap out of this nostalgic mood i keep putting myself in. what i'd give to have last summer back, i'd change so many things, make more effort with people. if i tried i could get the things i want, but by doing that i'd hurt people i care for, fuck up friendships and lose alot more than i'm willing to just to take a chance at things fucking up all over again like they did before, but to be happy? maybe its time to forget the old, get on with the new things and just deal with it. people grow up, people change, life goes on. i just can't help missing people and the way things was. i hate how used i got to people being around and being in my life. and i guess i can't just fully grasp the fact that they're not so much anymore. people say that you should concentrate on the new good things to forget all the past bad things...hard to do when the past bad things where some of the best things i've had in years.
this is making no sense.
too late to go back now without bruising some egos and wrecking the relationships with people around me.

I've been haunting this apartment at night.

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 12:57:55 GMT

Closed lips, abandoned ships,
straightened with paper clips.
And I get nauseous when the light isn't right.
I listen faithfully when they illuminate for me.
I wear your greatness on my spine.
I'd like to steal your words. I'd like to give you mine.
Solitary day. Forgive me for the war I waged.
City of night-Hear my heartbeat.
It echoes through these flooding streets.
We can save ourselves from sinking.

haven't wrote in this for a while.
alots happened but i guess all for the best.
pretty content, i leave for college in something like 8 weeks, really excited about that.
saw sundowner, mingers last show and the living daylights last night which was really nice
i'm gunna be travelling alot in the next few months and seeing alot of bands
looking forward to that, seeing old friends and just starting generally over.
few months and it'll be summer
and in june we've got mongoloids and trash talk playing which is gunna be so good.
currently hooked on these:

postsecrets.com

glad i didn't go.

("i may be dying, but i'm not dead yet"&hearts;)

It's just what all young lovers do

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 13:22:50 GMT

It's just what all young lovers do
I noticed you
You stood out like a sore thumb
The most
Beautiful sore thumb i'd ever seen
I took you out
And showed you a good time
We danced all night
And I waited till the time was right when
I was almost sick on you
Echo Echo of mine
Do you recall
The night that we first met
And how I burnt your dress
With my cigarette
I don't know why
But I played this game
For you
i'm guessing its just what all young lovers do
You say
That it's never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
Echo Echo of mine
Never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
Never wrong never right
So echo on
Echo on
Echo on
Echo
It's just what all young lovers do
It's just what all young lovers do
It's just what all young lovers do
It's just what all young lovers do

i can't wait for le weekend!
so much to do, so little time, so it goes as follows;
friday - morning exam, but i leave after at around half 10 for home to get ready!
train to leeds, day in leeds eating and wandering about then blacklisted/shipwreck/deal with it/soul control on the night! after partying and then staying at chris's with everyone for more partying im guessing
saturday- up at like 7am to get ready and make myself look half decent, then getting a train to stoke at 9.40 argg
way too early and despite the fact i'll be looking and feeling like rubbish i'm looking forward to it. see westy and do whatevers cool in stoke, then get a train around 6ish back to manchester, leeds and home. saturday night a calm one in i reckon! and rest on sunday/ reflecting on weekend.
i can't wait to see the durham lot and everyone in leeds..and matt on saturday! gunna be really good i hope, just dredding the hours on trains im gunna have to put up with. well worth it though!
couldnt give a toss to be fair if anyones gunna bitch, as i know one or two will just to try and be a thorn in my arse as per. don't care though, nothing could drag me out of the good mood im in, even if i have to travel everywhere on my own i dont careeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

bury your head, bare your heart!

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 12:52:27 GMT

i absolutely love this article. and that swallow on her neck is actually brilliant.
exams in about 40 mins and im so worried. really not looking forward to this. however, its friday!
and its blacklisted next week which i cant wait for cause i get to party with out of town friends! north and souffff.
ace :)

i like how calm things have generally been lately but i dont like how some people try to kick up a fuss when its not needed. people like that need a good hard punch!!!
i can't help but have this feeling that things are maybe coming to a close soon, not saying i want it to but things havent exactly been straight forward...which i find i complete joke. i shouldnt have to be the only one in this, making the effort and acting like i actually want to make things work. bah.

If we can survive this mine field its certainly the real deal

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:18:51 GMT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wearedaggers/
Finally put some more pictures up.
Can't wait to get my new camera sweeeeeet !
I really wanna do something new, i have way too much spare time that i should waste revising, but theres only so many hours a week i can handle revising!
House free for this week - boring but i like how quiet it is.
Got a&c over tonight after getting more cash, I like not having to stress about having money, but after my birthday i think its time i get a job...
Anyway, next weekends going to be fantastic, and next month. dates as follows...

Dates coming up:
leeds or stoke this weekend?
blacklisted, soul control and shipwreck- leeds UK friday 25th Jan.
fucked up- feb sheffield
dead swans- feb lincolnshire
burlesque show- feb hull

See everyone there!
I wish i was a singer in a band like blood red shoes. That'd be ace, just thinking about it now for some reason that it'd be fun! haha
Cant wait for him to come backkkkkkkkkkk. xo

i dunno why
i can't function
in this dead end
impossible
i don't know why
it's not that i,
that i don't try,
it's not easy.

i dunno why
i can't function
in this dead end
impossible
i don't know why
it's not that i,
that i don't try,
it's not easy.

bury your head, bare your heart,
but i can't i can't i can't i can't.
bury your head, bare your heart,
but i can't i can't i can't i can't.

nothing can't stop this creeping fear.
i can't i can't i can't i can't
nothing can't stop this creeping fear.
i can't i can't i can't
i'm leaving.

bury your head, bare your heart,
but i can't i can't i can't i can't.
bury your head, bare your heart,
but i can't i can't i can't i can't.

nothing can't stop this creeping fear.
can't i can't i can't i can't
nothing can't stop this creeping fear.
can't i can't i can't
i'm leaving.

i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving
i'm leaving, i'm leaving

bury your head, bare your heart,
but i can't i can't i can't i can't.
bury your head, bare your heart,
but i can't i can't i can't i can't.

nothing can't stop this creeping fear.
can't i can't i can't i can't
nothing can't stop this creeping fear.
i can't i can't i can't
i'm leaving.

i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving, i'm leaving
i'm leaving, i'm leaving

sleepless nights without her, the rumours are true.

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 15:14:17 GMT

I've just had the craziest week,

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 13:23:21 GMT

Like a party bag of lies, booze and then deceit.
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud,
It's theraputic somehow.

So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me.

I put one foot forward and ended up thirty yards back.
And am I losing touch or am I just completely off the track?
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud,
It's theraputic somehow.

So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me.

So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me

I can't believe how fast this year has gone. I mean today it really hit me just how much alot of things have changed. If you asked me my thoughts and feelings on a few people and things, well the answers you'd get would be nothing close to the ones i'd give now. I've lost and gained so much this year, including people who i never thought i'd leave behind. saying that i'm still close with a few people. probably the only person who my feelings as a friend havent changed towards is josh. because hes the only person who hasnt changed as a person. i made a few stupid mistakes with trust and people this year. had a few breaks and got back up again. took one or two for granted and didnt realise how amazing they was until they was gone.
theres a few people who i can honestly say just come straight to mind when i think of this year as a whole, and these are (including a short para)...its in order of seeing people so...i'd like to think we've had some good times, and that i made as much of a impression on them as they have me;

josh h- probably the only person who knows me better than myself. think of this guy like a brother. i've told him everything and hes the only person who hasnt changed to me. i dont see him half as much as i used to and that i think is a shame to say the least. hs probably the only person who has my full respect and trust and i think he will for a few more years to come. 3 and a half, nearly 4 years i've been friends with him and i dont want that to change. thanks for always being there for me
matt c- we had alot of ups and downs and realised things wasnt gunna be right again after january 2007. 2006 of fully being on and off with being friends and everything. i've known this boy since winter 2005, and the time i spent with him meant so much to me at the time even though things arnt the same. i still think of him as a friend and probably the first person i've ever really cared about. we dont really talk too much anymore but that doesnt change how things used to be and how much he meant to me. i really hope things work out best for him, he changed my outlook and me as a person and for the better. that i thank him for alot.
dieter h- i wish i hadnt fucked things up so much with us cause apart from josh he was probably one of my best friends. i still trust him alot and think really highly of him. hes a really good guy and i want 2008 to work out for him in every possible way. hes always looked out for me and given me some sound advice. even though ive not always taken it, hes always been there for me and im so sorry that i couldnt do the same at one point. one thing i'd change if i could. gos the same for jonny.
hollie w- probs the only girl i get along with and even though we're not close anymore, however from 2006- mid 2007 she was probs one of the only girls i got along with and talked about everything with. things got abit rocky mid year and it became clear we just wasnt as close anymore which sucked alot but these things happen i guess? we still talk and are still friends. but i'd just like to thank her for all the wild nights out, hearts to hearts and pasta sessions. one in a million that lady. same really for amy a & yasmin khan.
school lot- been with this lot since i was about 12, even though we've had alot of ups and downs those girls have had my back from day one. we're not close anymore and i do think we'll probably all lose contact as soon as we go to college but it doesnt change all the laughs i've had with them, cheeky convos and awesome lunches. i wish them all the best and thank them for being there for a big part of the last 4 years.
alex w- don't need to really say much cause he knows everything thats been on. but yeah, don't see this guy much anymore and we used to be pretty good friends. meant alot to me this guy and still does i guess. would be good if i still saw him about just for drinks and the odd good convo. plus hes the only boy who'll dance with me to joy division and the smiths at spiders haha. but i hope things are good for him and everything!
aimee s- shes probably my closest friend, other than josh (and john and claire!) we never used to get along but for the past like...7 months? ive spent all my time pretty much with this lass. shes funny as fuck and deep down under all the ragging of girls ahah, a really good person. i can trust her with anything and she always brings oreos for us when we go out to party. she fancies pretty much everyone but i love her for it cause she's just hillarious when she talks about boys. hope this girls gunna be sticking about through 2008- onwards!
claire s & laura w- met these two around the same time and have been good friends since i did. met them early this year and they're both 2 of the nicest people i've ever met. i see claire alot more thn laura these days and we always go out and party! i love nights out with us 3 on the rinside pole haha. and i can tell them both anything and i know they'll always be here for me. and vice versa. both amazing people and i hope 2008 goes better for them. and also that we'll be still as good friends. "GET LOWWWWWWWWWWWW"
emily m- never see her anymore! argarg! miss this lady tons but we're still like this 'finger cross' ahaha
shes such a good person and ive had many a drunken heart to heart with her. shes the girl i discuss boys with and dance and get very drunk with. summer with her was awesome and we both just understood the stuff about 'bf & a' hahaha. i hope i see her more next year cause i miss her alot! when i do see her its always good though :) same with jess mcmahon and ben lee :)
john m- gutted i dont get to see this lad alot more. been friends with him for almost a year now and hes too good. can tell him anything and hes always awesome to have a joke and a laugh with. alots gone on this year but i'd say apart from josh hes probs my closest guy friend. wish i got to see him more often with him living up north and that but when i do we do nothing but laugh and joke about stuff. hes a good guy and i think a friend to stay.
matt w- okay so we've had alot of ups and down over the last year i guess, we used to argue alot which sucked but lately its all calmed down alot which i love. i cant explain right now how much this guy means. all i pretty much can say is that i like where we are right now and time/mony doesnt matter to me with him, hes amazing!

theres been alot of people along the way i realise and thank you for being there to share good times and bad
they're just the people who spring to mind i guess!
this is what happens when im stuck in at lunch doing art i suppose haha.
media player wont work though
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG :@

I leapt across three or four beds into your arms

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 13:07:31 GMT

Where I had hidden myself somewhere in your charm
Our golden handshake has been smashed into this shape.
It's taken magic to a primitive new place
Watch 'em run, although it's the minimum, heroic

We hunched together in one chair out on the deck
In snow that froze and fell down on the modern set
It looked as if I picked your name out of a hat
Next thing you know you are asleep in someone's lap
Watch 'em run, although it's the minimum, heroic

We quit the room
Quit so our thoughts could rest
Rest them, I'll never move?
That's when we grab a hold
Of whatever it is we fell into
Lousy with your content
With what the majestic cannot find
In business of your lives
The perception, it is wrong, mile after mile
The phantom taste drinking wine from your heels

We have arrived too late to play the bleeding heart show

christmas is a complete nightmare. i mean, its sprung up so quick and i have so much to buy and do and just barely any money, fully blows! only this week and up til next thursday until i break off. which isnt bad cause i could do with the time off to see friends/travel out of here. get my tattoos done soon i think, need someone who can design lovely fonts thougghhh.

cant wait for cloak/dagger either! but everyones so moody atm and it annoys the hell out of me. don't get why people can't chill the fuck out cause i really dont have the energy to listen to people bitch and whine.
i hate missing people too. and i've got to a point where i couldnt give a toss what people think of aspects of my life. none of their buisness i recks. me and laura was talkin about everything the other night and i'm not gunna let anything ruin how happy i am right now.
i hate when you want to tell or ask someone something but cant either find the words or just don't want to let them think youve been thinking about things too much? sounds strange but makes sort of sense..doesnt it?
i cant think straight at all at the moment, or worse explain what i mean. hmmm.
ah well, some things are better un-said?
slsadfiahdfhsaiodfhasiohfdoehohcsedckebifgei fiefikab kabk abkba kbbbbbb\zzzzzzzzz
i swear im a terrible person urgh.
been thinking things i shouldn't, guess i miss a couple of people too, and want something new to look forward to?

....god i'm so tired. and bored....

brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t
brain r♥t

i can't stop listening to foals, wombats, the new pornographers and dirty money right now
i'm not sure why
i can't hack listening to anything too heavy right now cause i'm constantly tired.
it gets dark so early and i just want those type of songs that are kind of quiet but still have a good beat. sort of a could fall asleep to it song and have a good dance to it aswell. Foals- Hummer perfect example. or Wombats- Moving to New York. Ahhh.

Dead & Powered @ 1in12 Bradford // 8th Dec- 9th Dec

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:50:26 GMT

Trainsssss

About saturday/D&P;

So me claire and aimee was in town by 11.20 to get the train to bradford, after changing in leeds and being on our way to bradford, we was all in such a good mood until we got off at bradford and it was about -23849234234 degrees and pouring with rain. Had a good wander in the rain for ages trying to find the 1in12 club, and after going to a tourist info centre and finding someone else who was going to d&p we eventually found it haha. We got there mega early and had to wait outside for ages which sucked and caused me to have salmon coloured legs, and has now resulted in a brand new nickname haha. but everyone started turning up and moods was still good so everyone just hacked the cold until 3pm! Doors finally opened and everyone got inside to watch Fast Point, which as per, were awesome! Did the Dead Kennedys cover again which was brilliant!!! and on the last song, myself, Aimee, Claire, Danny, Asher, and someone else (haha) managed to pull of a human pyrimid hahaha. Lasted about 5 seconds but was alot of fun! Callum took a picture of it but deleted it by accident, which sucks cause i wanna know who was next to me on the second row!
We had a wander about upstairs and finally found John and the rest of the Hull/Harrogate people. After having a few catch-ups we bought a few drinks, including 3 pound cider which was 7.3% a bottle which was the size of a fucking wine bottle! after drinking 2 of those i felt abit sick and went to go watch a few more bands, i was waiting for Dirty Money to play and although the other bands was good, i was just up for standing and letting the cider sickness pass haha. We went upstairs again to finally find that Robyn had made it wheyy and we all had a good laugh and look at merch before Dirty Money came on.
To my surprise someone was there and it made me feel really uneasy and on edge. So i just tried to take the stubborn route as per usual and just ignore them. Dirty Money came on and everyone went absolutely mental. Got thrown about alot but it was alot of fun. They played Dead Mans Shoes which was what i was waiting for pretty much and it was ace! Dirty Money finished and everyone started piling outside for a quick nicotine fix haha. Again the un-easyness came back and i came back inside to wait for another band to come on.
I was glad when i finally came back outside to patch some things up which made my night a whole lot better. Me Claire and Matt went to go get another drink and watch Deal With It, which were really good but we all had to stand towards the back cause we all had glass bottles of beer. Missed a few songs but they was still very good! After that was True Colours if memory serves correct and Aimee and Claire went mental whilst I stood drinking the huge bottle of cider with Matt and saw a few more people I haven't in ages. True Colours where really good! We went back upstairs to buy a few shirts and chill out whilst i tried to persuade people to come to leeds before Black Friday 29 played.
Black Friday came on and played ace! I kept seeing John throwing himself around and they played the persuit of happiness which made it good to me.
Afterwards Me and Claire realised we ran out of smokes and rushed to shops to stock up which was hillarious when i got ID'd and said my date of birth in was 1997 hahaha! Left my ID in Josh's car arg but still got served for them funnily enough! We came back and had missed a few songs of Down and Outs, and was annoyed cause we'd rather have missed some of Justice haha. After alot more lounging about between bands and talking to friends we don't see much, Justice finally played and me and Claire decided to use the time to chill at the back and watch them from afar as we was absolutely drained. Got to see Matt for longer which was nice and then within what seemed about 3 mins, D&P was finished and everybody got on with saying goodbyes and sorting out where the night was going to take us! We said our byes to people and i was gutted i couldnt be with someone for abit longer!! Finally we decided on Cockpit in Leeds and got the train! We got into train station and got some chips to fuel us up for drinking haha. We was sat on the floor in station when some mental old man comes over and hes like "THEY'RE A LOVELY PAIR OF LEGS THEM DARLIN, I'D BE HAPPY IF I WAS YOU FOR HAVING A FRIEND WITH LEGS AS NICE AS THEM! DO YOU HAVE RED HAIR, THATS REALLY NICE, I LIKE YOUR RED AND I LIKE YOUR FRINGE, AND YOUR LEGS@ ahahahahahahahahaha!!! Absolutely hillarious!

(Cockpit with Claire, Rosie & Aimee)
Anyway; So we went to Cockpit and was shocked at how empty it was, we had a few drinks and by the time rosie came it had filled up abit. It was only about half 1 and we was all absolutely knackered, and after downing cider and black, well lets just say i said hello to the burger king chips i ate before i came out aha :||| We stayed for about an hour before we got a taxi back up to Hyde Park and went to hang out round Liams with Asher, Craig and Marc. Aimee and Claire went to get pizza whilst we watched Peep Show. I think from there we just terrorised Asher, ate pizza, fell asleep, got up early and then trekked back to get the train

(What happend to Asher? Emily & Aimee thats what happend to him...)

Thats not even everything, so much has happened, and so many laughs but thats pretty much, at most all im capable of writing haha. It was awesome to see people i never see and generally hang out with 2 of my best friends even if spirits with us all had hit abit low later on in the night/next day. Think it was being tired/hangovers/bruised limbs haha. Had missed the boy alot too and was really nice to see him and sort a few things out, just gunna miss him a fair bit until i next see him haha. Anyway! probs next essay like this will be Cloak/Dagger, which i really can't wait for!! or Shipwreck/Blacklisted & Fucked Up/SSS/SYG

Anyway! Amazing weekend, was glad to spend it with good friends.

Photos above by Aimee
B&W photographs of D&P By James Blacklist- www.myspace.com/lovelaughterandtruth
Colour Photographs of D&P By Jordan; http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=106200471

Fast Point!

Human Pyramids!

Dirty Money!

Deal with it!!!

True Colours

Down&Outs

Justice

check the photographers of the show photos profiles out, rest of the photos and really good
xo

THIS IS THE END OF THE LIIIIINNNNNNEEEE!

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 12:12:27 GMT

fully can't wait for this weekend!
the plans for this week!
hannahs and lornas 18th at attic
gold kids at ringers!
dead&powered showcase at bradford! (cant wait to see dirty money/deal with it/bf29)
partying in leeds

so good.
fuck monday tuesday wednesday thursday and friday day times
such a bore, i should be off for xmas now, i can't handle 2 more weeks!
everyones so down right now and i dont like it. im so happy with everything, its awesome!
however, i've gotta say i'm gutted that J & leon are leaving for canada next tuesday! although things with J are patchy right now i'm gunna miss that lobey bastard alot.
this xmas is gunna suck, roll on new year
theres so much i wanna see and do next year.
only a few things good to look forward to this year- hanging with friends/cloakdagger&llt/shows/seeing the guy.
bout itttttttttttttttttttttt!
god i hate weekdays
im so bored
and i'm just going into allsorts here.
i hate missing people too
it sucks, but i can't wait for after the 19th of december.
time and money won't even matter. this is completely worth it...♥!

But I'm about to give this one more shot...

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 18:53:32 GMT

so i havent really said much on here lately so i'll start sort of from the top.
things have been up and down, this months been mostly more fights and fucking arguements with people than anything positive. people have pushed me so far lately, that i've been ready to just lose contact fully with them and cut them out of my life. but sometimes its easier said than done, which i wish it wasnt but thats the way it goes huhhh?

however, it hasn't been all bad and well, i'm well aware that actions may seem stupid to some of you, but i dont care. if i don't care, you shouldn't either. i'm really content at the moment even though the past few weeks have been abit of a train wreck. things do seem pretty balenced and it makes a change from being really stressed out. decembers going to go well (touch wood) but i wish people would just drop stuff before the end of the year. i really dont understand how its so difficult to forget shit and get on with life. ive said alot of things in the heat of the moment yes i understand that and i've said i hated someone but its usually in anger. and baring in mind alot of people i know are the same, i wish they'd just try and see things from my point of view. and if they havent got anything good to say, i'd rather they say nothing at all.. applies to everything really over the past year. i think too many people have just been too wrapped up in being against people to see that theres just no point.

but i guess this month hasnt been so bad, ive started with the negative, im moving to the positive! I've had some awesome nights out this month with the girls! I've managed to stay on top of a few things and get myself into gear for once with sorting everything out. I'm happy that i have christmas sorted out and everything under control at the moment (touch wood! haha)

but yeah so its the end of november, and i think that decembers going to be good with all the plans i have (touch wood haha) my calender goes something like this...

1 Dec- Last month of 2007 xo
2 Dec- Dead Hearts? @ Hull
6 Dec - Lorna’s/Hannah’s Birthday! @ Attic Hull
7 Dec- GOLD KIDS. w/ Revoloution Summer & Dead Swans @ Hullah
8 Dec- Dead & Powered Showcase! Justice last UK show, BF29, Deal With It, Dirty Money + more @ Bradford
19 Dec- Break Off!
20 Dec- Cloak/Dagger <33, Life Long Tragedy & The Break In @ The Ringside Hull :)
25 Dec- Christmas Day, Get my lovely new camera & see the family!
28 Dec- Go to Durham to see John @ Jameater town central!
29 Dec- Come home from Durham @ Durham-York-Hull
31 Dec- Fresh Start @ I'm not sure what I'm doing yet!

And then onto 2008 plans :)

7 Jan- Verse @ Stoke-On-Trent
10 Jan- My birthday night out @ Welly
11 Jan- VIVALOVE @ my wrists
12 Jan- Paris
13 Jan- Paris
17 Jan- Hollies + my joint birthday night out? @ Welly
19 Jan- Hollies Birthday night out @ Spiders?
22 Jan- Shipwreck with Blacklisted @ Manchester
25 Jan- Shipwreck with Blacklisted @ Leeds
14 Feb- Valentines
28 Feb- Fucked Up, SSS & The Gallows @ Manchester

2007- not what i expected. i've met alot of people who have changed something for me this year, some for better and some for worse. i've had my loves, fights and i've learnt a few lessons but i know theres more to come. i think ive been really lucky though to have the people i have had around me. they've pretty much kept me going and for that i'm really grateful. i hope that 2008 will be alot better, and that i'll travel out of the UK with my friends alot (mainly cause i'll be old enough aha!) I hope i'll get to meet more amazing people who'll have a good impact on me, go to more shows, learn more and finish next year feeling like i've acheived something worth while. that'd be good. but mainly i want to good people to be there to share the good times with me like they have this year...

i dont know what else to say, think i'll leave it on that which i think is nice.

love /xo

Come party with me in a deathbed left for dead.

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:27:19 GMT

....So within 3 days I've changed my mind and just taken alot of good friends words on things. Yeah, some people just arn't worth it. Sadly. But things look good already, something i'll keep to myself there. Just a shame....

Ive been thinking alot lately about what I want on me next, tattoo wise, i've planned ones for my wrists and my feet, wrists first next month, then legs and feet probably late next year.

Tattooists I'd like to get tattooed by;
Steve Byrne- In Name and In Blood
Diego
Valarie Vargas-Frith Street
Xam - Frith Street
Frank Carter

I hate having so many ideas about what i'd like on me. So yeah i'd like some to be meaningful but a few just to be some amazing pieces of work that look amazing and in a style i like. The ones above do tattoos in styles i like but are very expensive and i would have to wait until i'm 18 which sucks. Theres no tattooists here i want to get tattooed by, mainly because the ones i did get done here (at a stupidly young age and at a very bad tattooist) wasnt up to what i expected, and now im having to pay more money to get them re outlined and coloured...covered even if i decide.
I love the idea of my friends aimees tattoo, however its not something i'd get i think it'd look amazing.

Photography By Sammie Kate at Park Street

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 07:14:56 GMT

so these photos are by Sammie Kate; http://www.flickr.com/photos/39485906@N00/show/with/2022384785/
theres a few sets of me and a few sets of me and laura, and then just laura :)
i'll be putting them all on my LJ and only a few up on pictures cause some of them i don't want on there, eg bikini ones haha.

Set 2. Gingham!

Set 3. Sailor!

"eyebrows that say 'SAYYYYY WHHHUUUUT'" haha

ghostface :s

Set 4. Corset :)

hohohohohoooo

Set 5.

Set 6. Dresses & Laura W :)

Set 6. Beach Grrrrrlz

last set;

more to comeee

breathed in blue ice

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 20:44:08 GMT

i'm stuck in 7 o'clock but it's actually 8pm
i thought it was 4 o'clock earlier but it was actually 6pm
no wonder it was so dark. no wonder we're so cold.
and sometimes it's like we're never gunna sleep,
and sometimes it's like we're never growing old.
and sometimes it's like we're never going to forget the faces of who we once loved.
but we're fucked; we're dead inside, and these photos are all that are keeping us alive tonight.
did i forget to mention that i missed you?
did i forget to mention that i'm unable to say what i mean?
i'm sorry i'm not talking any sense. and i know what you're thinking
but i've gotta break it to you, too much time apart means that we're sinking.

i love some girls lyrics. by the way , they are not obviously sg lyrics
i'm so bored
i could lay in bed and draw for hours with sigur ros on
unfortunately, i actually can't. i have so much work to do it is unreal
not only that my room is the definition of chaos at the moment and i cant handle it, i need to tidy it out.
this weekend i didn't really much
and although i was dissapointed that i couldn't come out to play, it didn't effect my mood. i just sat down, listened to music and drew all night. got chance to put alot of things in place in my head, if that makes sense. y'know, like figure stuff out? and i feel asif things are going more smoothly at the moment.
it's like, okay so schls not so good, i'm all about getting my head down and just getting out of there, but i mean, i have some of the best friends ever, they say you have your friends for life and everything when you hit past 30, but i know for a fact, and i really do that atleast 2 of them will be with me for years and years. a few more i have most recently, well wouldnt say recently, but over the past few months i've grown good friendships with, stronger even, and i do hope they'll be sticking around for a good while.
i'd really like a boyfriend this xmas too, it'd be nice. xmas boyfriends are always nice, but i dont mean like, just for xmas, i mean like long term ofcourse. i don't know. flings don't appeal. at all. did when i was 14, doesn't anymore. not sure why, just feels like its time to share my free time with someone who i care alot about i guess? if that makes sense.. haha?
its 7.44 on the clock but i know its 8pm
any more guesses about the text now?

i'm aware alot of things i write don't make sense. however when i write stuff for instance on here its really just generally just what i'm thinking as i'm thinking it? confusing more so huh? i dont sit and think hmm i'll write this, then write it, its all sort of like at the same time? and i can never remember what i've said before and i repeat myself alot...

mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless
mindless

i need to tidy and organise my room abit better
maybe then i wont be so on edge and have to think so hard about where everything is?
i really can't wait for next weekend
i mean its pretty stupid how much i can't wait for it
but i mean (i keep saying 'i mean')... he's pretty good. better than good perhaps
we shall see.
that didnt have any like hidden meaning either aha
i mean generally good as a person!
ah i'm losing my mind.

keep loving xo

The doors are deadlocked but the whores aren't wedlocked//////memories, pens and lyrics.

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 01:33:24 GMT

things i've read all night that i just keep reading again and again, other than catcher in the rye...

I am not too proud to confess that you have got me on scraped knees
Kick the crutches from broken legs the nurses just keep me in bed
Oh, sometimes i try to stand, then i say "fuck it", and lay down again
If life is a dream i'd prefer to wake the fuck up
You and me should really get more sleep

You and me
Fall asleep
At the wheel
Where are we going anyway
We may as well stop here
Cause I'm barely breathing anyway
Hey, we won't be coming home today
So we stole breaths
Locked our lips
Slipped fucking tongues
And gave our
"I love you with all our heart's"
Who's gonna miss us anyway?

I just want the world to know - You've got me at an all time low.
But I wrote the song that broke your fucking heart.
I'm caught up in 'no sleep' and I nod my head with every tear but they're still drowning me.
It's cold and I can barely see, and 5 AM is here again so hang your head with me.
I was walking next to you in a saturday night-type light.
The faces blurred in with yours as I stumbled some words on life...
I was breathing thanks to you in a saturday night-type light.
And when the faceless kids danced towards faceless ends I quit life.
"I can't believe that you're not dead"
shrugged my shoulders, laughed inside, nodded my head.
And I don't remember anything but seven songs of chances gone, that's all I know.
Anytime you want to go, I'm ready to go.
Nothing shines on "feeling old" this isn't right.
All I want is a reason to smile before I'm dead, I'm dead, I live in denial.
There's nothing left inside of me.
You say there's more but I don't fucking care.

wes eisold. what a absolute fucking legend (i hate that word used all "LOL MY M8 IS A LEGEND") but he really is.
missing people. it feels bad to miss people but i suppose its a good thing, if you miss them for a while it makes you appriciate the time you spend with them alot. i miss a few people at the moment, and i won't want to leave them when i see them. one of these people is my best friend. i really don't see him much or even talk much to him right now as we both have alot of different things going on in our lives...but i don't love him any less!

i've really liked the amount of time i've been spending with aimee too. we didn't used to get on very well at all, but i can trust her alot, and recently shes been a good friend. she's been here to talk about alot as i have for her. and she understands a few things better than others right now...
better than most infact who preech on about "ohh well i'd never sell you out, i'll never fuck you over emily"...yeah perhaps not to my face but i know you're not all nice behind your other good friends backs, so i don't expect you to be nice behind mine.

i don't know
i'm really happy at the moment
i really dislike how jelous i am, and how much i let things get to me
but if someone makes an effort at one of my low times to tell me how much i mean and that they want the same things, then i'm sure i should put some faith in them and believe what they tell me. if i don't now then i should quit whilst i'm ahead and just not bother even thinking i can make something of it.

a few people, just over the last few days have been really good on the advice/little talks things. made me realise a few things. these people are: aimee, mark, bradley, and generally laura because shes good to have little heart to hearts with!!

found this on my photobucket. miss this guy, hes a really good person ; this day was nice and i do wish we was still as good mates as we used to be!

holidays

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 19:11:18 GMT

im more than looking forward to mine
i keep getting this feeling of dissapointment
its not good :( i dont know what i want either... well i do;
its just i dont think ive got a chance in hell of getting what i want...
few aspects yeah?

proper ill aswell and i've got alot of reading to catch up on. a full book infact as i've left huge gaps inbetween reading it and forgot whats going on....eeek!
schools just...the worst place ever
a weeek and 3 days of good plans i hope
oh and ive started to sort out
a) my birthday! amazinggggg!!!!
b) my tattoo appaointment. pay my deposit in november, frith street london by valarie vargas.

if all goes to plan the next few months will be really really good. roll on december!

so right, im not even middle aged

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:40:11 GMT

and im already experiencing the following;

a mental melt down
heart attacks
wrinkles
a bad back
menopause (not 100% but i have the moods like someone whos going through menopause)
and the feeling of that i am going to die alone with cats, which i think would be interesting

its fucking amazing
i dont know why all these 40 year old women want to be 18 again
its shit, i'm having much more fun acting like some old haggered angry heffer

i also dislike liking people
its possibly the gayest thing ever.
not even faaacccccking kidding

17th-22rd Sept

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:36:53 GMT

This weeks been really calm, especially after all the drama of the week before. I don't know where to begin on most things though. However calm this weeks been it's been just one of those weeks of reflecting on everything. First is about friends, and how much most of them manage to let me down on a daily basis. Although at the same time, i realised how good some of them are. I'm really lucky to have the people I have around me. They've been with me through good times and bad, but it annoys me how easily i throw my trust around. Mainly because i always try to see the best in people, and don't pay enough attention to the bad. hmm
Secondly is next year. What am i even wanting to do. My interests arn't something you'd want to do as a job for the rest of your life. Burlesque and tattooing are hard to break into good. So... they're ruled out for the long term plan. I know im not really old but everyone keeps asking me "what are you doing next year?"...and i honestly don't have a clue. I sure as hell don't want to be stuck in a 9 'til 5 dead end job....but anyway. Boring.
What next is what the hell i want. What do i want? Generally speaking. I manage to confuse myself loads by making stupid desicions on impulse; which are never good. Usually half these decisions result in; loss of friendship, awkwardness, big rash' changes or me just looking like a bitch. Which to be fair, happend last night. God i'm really put off drinking. And it's safe to say i've lost a friendship, or two...
Shouting my mouth off, which made me think i'd caused something bad to happend to a 'friend'. It was all chinese whispers when it got back to me i had, but even though nothing bad happend and they didnt get hurt, i still feel guilty as hell. Well i dont know if thats the word as such, i just feel really bad and very very sorry. Last night was good but it just got spoilt but drunken fucking twats being too forward on a few things.
I really wish i had just stayed in and watched black dahlia. mhm.
Last but not least, I've realised a few things that i wanted for ages, and thought i still did...well, i dont anymore. Its like a slap in the face when i think about time and effort wasted, it really is. Just makes me feel abit sick to my stomach.

So anyway, this week was average, fucking idiot teachers really pissed me off though.
And last night was good up until spiders finished. High drama or what guys.
This morning i woke up with a killer hangover, to find texts/msn convos telling me i'm basically a cunt for some things last night
Well i couldnt agree more to be honest, I was in the wrong, and i dont mind admitting that. I really do hope I wont fall out with the person too much, even though i deserve any bad word i get from them. This afternoon things had calmed and i was relieved to learn that i hadnt fucked up as much as i had thought. Which made me feel less that i needed to get a clean slate. But to find out someone i've been crushing on for agesss; is the same about me; Well thats...ace, :) Just fully gutting it's only one of those crushing things, and deffo not gunna be any thing more...but still, pretty sweet.

Its near to the end of the month, and i could really use a clean slate i guess
I have too much of a concience i think...hm?
Anyway i'm just gunna try and keep out of things for a while; starting with getting out of here more, and just not going out to places like spiders for a while. thats a good idea i think. Yes.

I think thats all for now
apart from i want my blonde hair back
and i cant wait for;

3rd of oct; SINKING SHIPS (L) i need to go but i have to get a lift back and i hope i manage to get one eeesh
19th of oct; i can deff get to that, COLD WORRRRRRRRRLD! Yeaaaah and i get to see some ace people
27th of oct; Stoke lot come with chris's band to play a show. should be good to see chris, tom anndddd westy :):)

gutted i aint going to ninjafest but to be fair im seeing most of the bands i wanted to see there anyways so...

I'm out xo

i don't understand people

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 21:26:13 GMT

so im going to start from the beginning i guess. i'll start with this week. so i went back to education on wednesday and was very dissapointed to see that i wasnt challenged with anything. no work, nothing. just stupid teachers telling me things, rules even, that i learnt when i first started at that hell hole. hello, i do want to pass my exams, so why don't you fuckers quit wasting my fucking time and teach me the things i need. i have 5 months solid to revise, get coursework done and do my exams. i don't have time for bullshit teachers taking thier time. i found it sad that over my summer i'd not seen some of the people i'd be used to seeing on weekly basis, and this made conversation very awkward on the first day back as none of us knew where to even start with what had happend over the month and 2 week holiday. by thursday i was already sick of being back, and still getting annoyed that i hadnt learned a thing other than recapping over rules like "que at the door" and bullshit stuff like that. i got dragged into the heads office for wearing in correct uniform which really pissed me off and wasted more time, time out of my art lesson which happens to be one of the only subjects i really enjoy. by the time friday had came, i was exausted from 6am wake up calls, and just wanted it to be the weekend so i could sleep. i'd realised that half the people at school were really shit people and that i was better off not having much contact during the holidays with them. i also noticed how bitchy and childish most of the people i have associated with there, actually are. and was relieved that in less than 7 months i wouldnt have to see them anymore. as nasty as that may seem, i just dont have the energy to put up with most of people there. it hit last lesson, and i just wanted to go home, i felt ill, unchallenged and was sweating like a bitch on heat due to wearing 3 layers of tops in this mexican weather we seem to be having here! thankfully, it was english and we was choosing our groups YES! i got catcher in the rye and automatically was excited about this as soon as ms.wass explained the plot. after a lesson of shouting numerous profanity as part of the lesson topic, i was happy to be going home. not only that but to go to hair dressers and finally get rid of my yellow hair. i was disapointed that i had plans on this night which didnt even get mentioned, but glad to have a excuse to stay in and catch up on rest. saturday morning came and i was more than excited about the night ahead. jade was coming out, and seeing as though 2 of my friends cocked up and bailed on coming out, jade was left to go out. so it ended up that she came round and it was alot of fun. we pissed about and ragged some twatty perve shes crushing on, ate pizza and watched bettie page. it hit 10pm and we was already dolled up and ready to go out. it started off really well, we hit JRS first <3<3 my favourite bar ever, and jade really enjoyed it. we saw the gorgeous barman (matthew) who resembles elvis and had a few good chats. after walking into town to get jade her cheap ciggies from marios, we then walked back up east hull way and to spiders. automatically i could feel that i wouldnt enjoy the night. just a feeling in my stomach y'know? we got in and bought plenty of drinks immediately. within 20 mins i already had spotted 15 if not more people i really couldnt be arsed to see and tried to just avoid as many as possible all night. after bumping into mil and emily, and having a good dance, i resorted to not getting drunk and just basking in general convo with good friends. this however soon turned awkward when jade spilled out something on drunken impulse which changed the rest of the nights events. causing me and someone close to me to end up talking about stuff for the remainder of the night. not only did that make my night slightly on edge as i didnt even know where to begin to explain everything but has made me really confused today and fretting about losing one of my best friends, or making them more and risking losing them. its strange how words can make things seem so different. but either way im stuck in a no win situation it seems? i hate also when you think you've forgotten about someone, and they manage to creep slowly back into the picture. this has confused me more so. fuck. i really need to get a hobbie to stop me from thinking into things this much. either that or think into things more and sort my head out.
anyway i'm sidetracking, back onto this weekend, me and jade woke up with terrible hangovers, which confused me again due to the fact i hadnt even drank alot, and we just layed in bed for ages talking. it hit 12pm and jade had set off back home, leaving me wandering round my house with a head ache and a empty feeling. i ended up back in bed and drawing for the rest of the day until now; and im sat listening to au revoir simone and writing this huge essay. i dont know what to think or feel at the moment on most things, my heads making all the choices, when i should maybe leave a few to my heart. cheesy? but true i guess?
anyway, tomorrow is another 6am wake up call. im looking forward to tomorrow because i have art for 2 hours first thing, then media, and english! the perfect day for me! i think its bed for me right now. god, i feel like a old lady. half 10 bed times. dear me.

i'm out
M
xo

What to start with?

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 14:04:34 GMT

So I thought I'd start with this year. Its not been what I was expecting last December, but still alot has happened. I've learnt a few life lessons, mainly by making some major mistakes. I've lost friends who I thought would be sticking around for a long time, and I've made friends who have changed things for me in a few crucial ways. I've had new loves, and I've grown to hate a few more things.

I was hoping that this year would be full of excitement, and yet it's been quite boring. I've spent most of it focusing on getting education done and out the way with, and just seeing people as much as possible. I can definitely say last year seemed better, but there was alot of people who was fake, and i think its sad that I only saw their true colours recently.
However, all of the above does sound quite negative, and I haven’t even mentioned any of the good things.
Most things being events that I’ve looked forward to and personal things I’ve been looking forward to. I'd like to firstly say I am so greatful for the people I have in my life right now who've been good friends/given me some ace memoirs. These being mainly, lately; Josh, Dieter, Emily, Yasmin, John, Holly, Hollie, Sam, Jade, Jenna, Jess, Laura, Claire, Jonny, Dave, & Lorna (plus a few more)

One of the first things good this year, being the fact that I start my first burlesque class in mid September; which I’m really excited about. I've talked to a few promoters about stage handing, and have found that I will be able to stage hand in the upcoming months at venues in Leeds and maybe Manchester. I’m really excited about this because it means I’ll be able to get much needed experience long before I can get into burlesque properly. The second thing being shows this year, I was VERY! disappointed that I couldn’t go to Ieper festival this year, and all my friends did and got to see some amazingggg bands! But there’s always next year I guess! I saw set your goals last month; although they fully ripped off my friends with costs for a DIY show, it was really good! I'm seeing sinking ships twice in October, and seeing Cold world. I will hopefully be going to Ninjafest if all goes to plan, and seeing Dead Hearts in December. All of those shows I can't wait for!
The third thing being that I finish education and move up abit in the world in less than 7 months. I'm worried so much about exams but I reckon if i work instead of fucking about this year I might get the results I need for the courses I want next year. I just want to get all this out of the way, and would really bloody like it if I could move out; even move out of this town at that.
I should really stop wishing my life away, but I can't help it. There's nothing really for me here, other than family and friends. I'm just going to apriciate this time until I can leave properly...

I've sort of run out of things to say really, which is a first. If anything theres a few things I need to do this year. I'd like to travel out of Hull alot more for a start. Get to more shows, meet more good people and get further with the things I'm interested in. That would be pretty good.

M
xo